Wednesday, October 31, 2012

we're still cleaning up

Not that I'm looking for sympathy, I just think it's interesting that sections of A1A are still shut down from Sandy.

I'm not really clear about where that sand is from.  It's been piled at the side of the road for days now, I think maybe it's just from the neighborhood along the beach and they are trying to return it.  There were bulldozers just pushing it back on to the beach from here but otherwise it seemed like everybody was on break when I went past.

I would say the clean up is a lot more enjoyable here than it is in NYC.

But still there's definitely a lot to be done.  The piles of sand are up to the lifeguard stands!

That's a lot of sand!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

guilty conscience

In the past week Heather has brought me over probably 9 cookies, in groups of two or three.  She claims they are just extra's from each batch she bakes for her work but I have a feeling she is trying to pay me back from this.  I guess the guilt was too much for her to handle, after all these months of denial.

Well Heather, I want you to know it's ok.  If you need to bring me four more cookies to make it a bakers dozen that is fine, then we can move on.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Noriko's talons

I'm going on record as saying the best part of my new job is seeing my coworkers' nails.  I never cease to be amazed by Gala and Noriko's nails.

I have to give this weeks to Noriko though.  The drips are too cool, but then she showed me the other hand and I died of envy.

I want to be her when I grow up.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

good luck NYC

That bitch Sandy is not messing around.

Am I the only person who sees things like this and immediately thinks of this.  Also, hats of to Mr. Van Leer for his use of the word "fools" when describing the people of Florida.  I can speak for myself and say it's the most appropriate word to describe me.

But for my new york friends, if you too are worried about your island sinking in to the sea tonight I can say that Sandy was a lot of hot air but it wasn't really such a big deal.  I mean, they didn't even close the mall.

And in her wake she left us with fantastic weather!

Friday, October 26, 2012

I completely understand

In the long list of reasons why today SUCKED BALLS was included the fact that my battery on my phone was not cooperating with me.  I could tell it was up to no good right away, I had it plugged in all night and didn't unplug it until right before I left the house, but it had already lost a sliver of charge by the time I reached my first destination.  I didn't use my phone at all today, only to check the time, but still I lost it by the beginning of my break.  So besides the other terrible things that happened, I didn't even have my phone to distract me and lift my spirits.

My intention, per my facebook status, was to go to sleep as soon as I got home and forget this terrible day ever happened.  But I decided I should do laundry so I could wear clean clothes to work.  I think remembering dumping iced coffee all over myself this morning was what made me feel a load of laundry was in order.

Anyways, the point that has to do with Elvis is, I'm glad I ended up having to do my laundry because instead of going to sleep I decided to check the internets and have a cup of tea (hot toddy) while I wait. Had I not I wouldn't have seen this email from Kim:

So every time I listen to Elvis now I have to listen to Mariah Carey right after. Because she beat him.

And had I not read that email I would have never watched that clip of Elvis performing Teddy Bear, which will always be my favorite Elvis song after Blue Christmas.  Teddy Bear makes me think of my father taking me to school in the 2nd grade.  As I've probably mentioned before there are only a few cds I remember my father playing in the car.  Elvis, the soundtrack to Pretty Woman, and Whitney Houston's I'm Your Baby Tonight album.  I think that pretty clearly explains my musical tastes.

I had never watched that clip of him singing it before though.  He was pretty fantastic.  Oh and Kim, the two girls in the audience clapping with each other are obviously you and Ariel.

And I get your point, I feel compelled to watch Mariah too.  It's just so interesting to compare the two and the things about each that made them each so unique and incredible.

The best part is that listening to these songs and watching these videos has completely made me forget what a terrible day I had.  And isn't that what you think they both would want to hear?

Thursday, October 25, 2012



I like that the practical application is bringing beer to a guy on the couch watching tv.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I found my new ringtone

Thank you Kim for sharing this me.  I don't know where you found it but I'm thankful you did.

I love that pipe organ!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

the dreams, the horrible dreams

I have been having the most intense, involved dreams lately.  It's really quite terrible, I wake up not feeling refreshed, but rather relieved to realize the events of the past 8 hours were just a dream and not reality.  They have been all over the place the past few weeks but for some reason I just can't shake the one from last night.

It started out that I was watching Charlie St. Cloud.  Why?  I have no idea.  I have never seen that movie, nor have I ever wanted to see that movie.  But still I found myself watching it, except the plot of my dream Charlie St. Cloud was far different than the actual Charlie St. Cloud.  In my dream it was about Charlie's faintly incestuous relationship with his mother, who was not played by Kim Basinger, but rather by Michelle Pfeifer.  A better casting choice if you ask me.

Somewhere along the line the mother disappeared and without transition or explanation I became Charlie St. Cloud, imprisoned in a child labor camp where we were forced to make pots and pans.  It vaguely resembled the child labor camp from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom except we were forging pots and pans instead of mining for the mystical stones for our Shaman leader.  In my forced labor camp we decided that we were going to break free by just all dropping our pots and pans at once and running like crazy, which worked out well for me.  I escaped the caves to discover that we were being held underneath an elementary school in San Francisco.

After running until exhaustion I finally stopped to rest in a park that I have never been to, but in my dream I remembered from visiting San Francisco last summer.  As I walked through the park I contemplated how the last time I was there it was summer and now it was winter and how much things had changed since then.  I also thought about Michelle Pfeifer and how it was weird that I was Charlie St. Cloud now.

It wasn't long after that that I woke up.


one of each

Jeanne sent me this picture that she snapped in the drive-through of an In-N-Out in California.  It wasn't that long ago that I received a message from Chana saying that she spotted a Blount plate in NYC too.

I'm actually relieved when I see a non Blount plate as it proves there are other places you can live in Tennessee:

I know it's too blurry to tell because my phone auto focused on my dashboard instead of the car in front of me but that was a plate from somewhere other than Blount in Tennessee.

A part of me wanted to pull up next to them and congratulate them on not being from Blount.

Monday, October 22, 2012

talons we can believe in

Allie posted this picture on her facebook with the caption "Yes we manicure"

I'm in love.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

the best house on the block

I know it's kinda hard to see in the little pic but if you click on it to make it bigger you'll see the spiders. They're so simple but at the same time really unnerving.

It gave me the feeling of having walked through a spiderweb just from looking at it.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

a visitor at work

Just when I needed a ray of sunshine in my day this precious angel showed up.

: (

He was so happy and excited it was hard to get a picture.  I think his name was Pepito.

I loved him.

this guy

I was in traffic with this awesome person on my way to work.  It's a cockatoo and two parrots and then underneath it said, "My Feathered Family".

He got away from me before I could see who was driving but I'm assuming that it was the coolest guy in south Florida.  Someday I hope to be just like him.

Friday, October 19, 2012

from my father

My dad sent me this in an email and said, "I thought the part in her interview where she talks about being invited to the White House was amazing".

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting my father I hope this sheds a little light on him, and consequently fills in a piece of the puzzle that is me.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I love this!

I spotted this on the fence of a home in my neighborhood while I was on my run the other day.  Initially I thought it was a joke but I looked it up and it turns out it's actually legit:

767.04 Dog owner’s liability for damages to persons bitten.The owner of any dog that bites any person while such person is on or in a public place, or lawfully on or in a private place, including the property of the owner of the dog, is liable for damages suffered by persons bitten, regardless of the former viciousness of the dog or the owners’ knowledge of such viciousness. However, any negligence on the part of the person bitten that is a proximate cause of the biting incident reduces the liability of the owner of the dog by the percentage that the bitten person’s negligence contributed to the biting incident. A person is lawfully upon private property of such owner within the meaning of this act when the person is on such property in the performance of any duty imposed upon him or her by the laws of this state or by the laws or postal regulations of the United States, or when the person is on such property upon invitation, expressed or implied, of the owner. However, the owner is not liable, except as to a person under the age of 6, or unless the damages are proximately caused by a negligent act or omission of the owner, if at the time of any such injury the owner had displayed in a prominent place on his or her premises a sign easily readable including the words “Bad Dog.” The remedy provided by this section is in addition to and cumulative with any other remedy provided by statute or common law.

Ahahaha.  : (

I wonder what kind of dog it is.  I bet it's some tiny nice little angel that has been UNJUSTLY labelled as a "bad dog".

I, however, require the feline equivalent of this sign to hang on my door immediately.  It's only fair that I warn people of the bad cat that lives on the premises.

Why does he sit with his face jammed in to the arm of the couch?  How is that comfortable?

He's bad.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

fall schmall

There is a bit of crispness in the air that makes me feel like the seasons are changing, but then I look at the temperature and realize that it's still 85 degrees.  So I lather on the SPF, put on my suit, and head to the beach.

I am supposed to go black clothes shopping with Ana today but looking at that picture I might just head to the water instead.  If I'm lucky she will come up here and join me.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

ahaha YES

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Monkey on the Lam - Florida - Monkey on the Gram
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical Humor & Satire BlogVideo Archive

How do I get a job as a writer for the Colbert Report?  

I think I have to be this

The other night I was asking Brendan what I should be for Halloween and he suggested Pippi Longstocking.  My initial reaction was no because she is a confirmed red head and I am far from that, but he asked me to just put my hair in pigtails to see.

When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror with my hair up in pigtails I realized there was only one person I looked EXACTLY like.  Ermahgerd!

I just need to find some Goosebumps books and figure out how to make temporary braces and I'm golden.  I'm going to practice my smile in the mirror today.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Saturday, October 13, 2012

I still love Florida

Thanks Meghan for passing this article along to me.

The next time somebody compliments me on my baby blues I am going to refer them to this article.  I mean, I got nothing on that softball size peeper.

Friday, October 12, 2012

copyright infringement

I'd say I have a pretty solid case against Target wouldn't you?

The spitting image.  Even the description fits, "Lets out a loud scream when exposed to light"

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Go Monkey Go: UPDATE

In August I shared with you all this story that Meghan had sent me which pleased me to no end.  UNfortunately Eliza just sent me this update which I fear means bad news for everyone's favorite outlaw monkey.

I can relate to that monkey.  Eventually you feel like you can get away with anything and then the next thing you know you're chewing on a lady's head and getting thrown in to the bushes.  Before you know it you've gone from lazily eating fruit in the backyard to checking over your shoulder for the police every time you leave the house.

If you're reading this monkey, make your way down to South Florida and you can seek refuge at my place.  Just please don't bite my head.  Thanks.

This is really happening

Thank you Jonathan for sending me this article.  They are all so nice : (

I also appreciate the name Elle Macfurson.  Hahahahah.

: (

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I sent Ariel an email the other day asking her when she was going to do another guest blog post and she replied that she may have outdone herself with the jack in the box clown head and wasn't sure when she'd be able to top that.

As consolation she said she'd been working on some new music and directed me to gauzy.  Ugh, how is she so good at everything she does?

Someday I hope to be as cool as Ariel.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

I love Florida

Thank you Ariel for sending me that article.

all day with this

I literally spent all day today in front of a computer screen doing training for my new job.  It was generally absurd.  There were only a few parts where I was actually learning things that were applicable to my job.  The majority of my time was spent waiting for the stupid videos to load.

I mean, it's no wonder I need to verify their information before I sign them up for a credit card.  Look at her face!  She is definitely hiding something, and the expression on his face says, "you better not ask what she's hiding".

I also grew to HATE this woman:

Her face came up with a little speech bubble offering me helpful tips at various points.  It looks less like she is smiling and more like she had her jaw wired shut and she's trying to communicate that she needs help through her eyes.

My favorite part was the section about diversity.  They framed it around a fictional bookstore and used the 6 employees as examples to highlight how diversity comes in to play in the workplace.  At various points they would have the six different employees pictures and then next to them it would say something about them to show how they were diverse such as how long they had been with the company, or what their positions were.  My jaw hit the floor when they pulled up all six headshots and then next to them listed if the employee was heterosexual or homosexual.  Really?!  Shouldn't part of the diversity training be about how it's none of your business what your coworkers sexual orientation is?  Or am I supposed to make a roster of all my employees to keep track of their various sexual orientations.  You know, for diversity.

Aptly the final section I had to work on was about "difficult work situations".  This pretty much sums up how I felt after a full day of dealing with this nonsense:

Child please, don't even play with me.

Monday, October 8, 2012

I loved this

Roberts ADHD led us to this youtube video which ended up being really cool.  I wish that you could see the clips but for most of them I knew what they were from the description.

I loved when they sang the theme song!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

they had a lot of security for breakfast

Robert took me to breakfast on the beach this morning and neither of us expected to be joined by the secret service.

Seriously, all of a sudden there were about 15 men and women dressed exactly like this guy who stood menacingly all around the restaurant.  Eventually some blonde hussy that nobody could identify sat down at the table.  I don't think anybody would have even given her a second look if it hadn't been for all of these hulking body guards hovering around her.

And they were legit too, they all had badges with the seal of the United States on them.  The only thing we could figure was that it was Ryan's wife but after a quick google search we were able to put that theory to rest.  She was joined later by another, more appropriately dressed, woman but still it offered no insight in to their identity or why they needed so much security.

It was all very bizarre.

Otherwise breakfast was dreamy.  There were crazy storm clouds passing all day so our front row view of the beach was very dynamic.

Rob was convinced we were going to see a tourist get struck by lightening.  I couldn't really tell if he was anticipating this with pleasure or dread.  Either way it didn't happen.

I'm sure if it had the security team would have jumped in to action though.  There were certainly enough of them.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

I like it down here

And I still like Nicki Minaj.  I don't believe all this silliness with American Idol.

Spent a great day at the beach today and it didn't cost me a dime!  After the past two weeks of running my credit card more than I ever have before I am treasuring days like today when I don't have to use it at all.

And I love living in a place where I can have an amazing day without needing money.  That being said, I'm looking forward to starting my new job this week.  Just have a little more training I have to get through before I can actually start.  I'm excited!

Friday, October 5, 2012

the hits keep coming

Yesterday when it was time to take Jon to the airport I said, "I'm going to run the trash to the dumpster and then we should get going".  When I returned Jon was standing outside of the apt with his bags in hand looking at me expectantly.  It was then that we realized we both thought the other one had the keys, and Jon definitely closed the door behind him.  The locked door.

My upstairs neighbor Mike tried to break in for me but to no avail.  I guess I feel slightly reassured about the security of my apt, but still I was hoping he would be able to get in.  Instead I had to pay A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY for a locksmith to let me in to my own apartment.  At least we were able to get inside and Jon made it on to the last flight home for the day.

Since I now have zero dollars to my name until whenever I get my first paycheck for my new job I decided to go for a nice cost free bike ride yesterday afternoon.  You can imagine how I felt when I was about 5 miles from home and realized that I had a flat tire.

This being the 2nd time I had taken my bike out I was a little discouraged.  Thankfully the bike store was still open when I got back to it yesterday afternoon and although they weren't particularly compassionate they did fix my flat at an extreme discount.  They said they couldn't help it that I got a flat tire and that it was just an unfortunate accident.  I had to push down all my emotions in to that dark place deep in the pit of my stomach and accept that things are just not going my way.

But of course, when you bottle up all your feelings they inevitably come back to bite you in the ass.  Cut to this morning when I get my bike out to go get coffee and I discover IT HAS A FLAT TIRE AGAIN!

At least this time I got a, "I've never seen this happen before" from the bike shop guys and they did fix it completely for free.  They also gave me a new super thick tire tube that they said should prevent it from happening again.  We'll see.

I'm going to ride it to the beach now, hopefully without incident.  Of course, knowing my luck both wheels will just go flying off once I'm as far away from home as possible.



Who steals a mailbox?!  I think that's a federal offense.

I like that they capitalized douche.

Thursday, October 4, 2012


I finally got to give Jon his amazing birthday present that I found like a month ago.  I gave him a bunch of hints about it but all it did was make him scared to open it when the time finally came.  I told him it was as if somebody had gone in to his brain and invented the most perfect gift for him.  I also said that everyone was going to hate me for getting it for him hahahaha.

He was as pleased with it as I thought he would be.  The past few days have been filled with wolf howls, shrieking, evil laughter, and of course the sound of Jon breathing heavily in to it while it was set to amplify.  While I was sad to send Jon back home today I am excited to hear about how much his friends and family love his amazing birthday present.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

he's excited

I told him that his best friend Jonathan was coming to visit and he was like, "oh excuse me, I better make sure I look ok".

I look forward to Jon visiting as it means I will get to have a full nights sleep without getting hit in the face with his tail over and over.  Jon on the other hand can look forward to that!

They love each other.

my butt hurts

I guess I overdid it with riding my new bike yesterday.  It's just so fun!!  I can't help it!  I feel like I'm 7 years old again.

I love living in Florida cause even though it started pouring rain every time I went for a ride, it was still warm enough that I could just keep on riding.  Rain riding!

Seriously though my butt really hurts!  How long before I build up butt callouses?

I love that blue tire!

Monday, October 1, 2012

see I'm just trying to help you

Thank you Kim for sending me this article that totally justifies everything.

Maybe when people ask me what my blog is about now I will tell them it increases productivity.  Although I guess I mostly post picture of the detective who is decidedly not a baby animal.  Maybe this means it's time for me to get a puppy.

You know, for you guys, and your productivity.

rabbit rabbit rabbit

Hehehe I've been saving that picture for months now to use for Halloween rabbit rabbit rabbit.  Apparently it had just eaten a cherry, not actually attacked somebody's throat, but the visual is spot on.

So glad to be done with September, although flipping the calendar page this morning was a little overwhelming.  There is definitely a lot of writing all over this month.  Most of it is related to my new job though so I'm pretty excited.  I have about a week of training to get through before I can actually start though so I'm just going to have to keep focused on other things.

Like figuring out where I can get some black outfits to wear.  I have black pants and a black sweater and that's it, I have a feeling those are going to get real old real fast.  It's a good thing I can always look to Barbie for inspiration:

I mean, if that doesn't look like me on my way to work I don't know what does.  I like the leopard print but those boots are hideous.  They need to be shorter and more fitted so they look less like cardboard paper towel tubes.

That being said it's still an outfit to consider for halloween this year.  I could go as Barbie flasher!  I have no idea what I will be doing for Halloween so I don't know if that would be appropriate or not but I will keep it on the back burner.  Otherwise I can always do my cop-out costume from last year of Kurt Cobain.  All I need is a flannel shirt and to pull my hair down in front of my eyes.

But there's no need to jump to decisions now, I have 30 days to plan.  If September taught me nothing else it's that a lot can happen in 30 days.