this makes me happy

Thank you Ariel for sending this to me.

I like how he's nice.

tamara brought us marshmallows

Tamara is definitely my favorite customer at my new job, and not JUST because she brought us pink peppermint marshmallows today.  THEY ARE SO GOOD!!!

Apparently we were waiting for a scarf to come in that she wanted and when Dervon called her to tell her it had arrived she said she'd be in to pick it up, and she was going to bring marshmallows.  Boy did she deliver too!

She kind of reminds me of Mary from the juice bar, who would always come in after work.  Thinking about her just now took me on a trip down memory lane to some of the interesting regulars we had at that place.  Like the lady who would always come in with her coat hanging off her shoulders and her sunglasses balanced on the brink of her nose, always in a crazy flurry.  She would always look at the desserts and then complain that they all had so much agave, which she pronounced "Aguave".  Allie would always have to turn her head away because she couldn't stop laughing.

There was a really eccentric regular who, upon finding out that I had gone to school for writing, would always insist that I should write a tv show about all the cooky characters that came in there.  While I'm glad I never wasted any of my life on that venture, I am always disappointed when I think of all the missed opportunities for blog posts if only I had started this back when I worked there.  I would even have documented my meeting the Detective, and subsequently agreeing to tolerate living with him.  I sadly don't even have pictures from back then, and when I looked back on facebook the oldest pictures I found were terrible.  Well actually, they are kind of hilarious, and pretty accurately reflect the kind of cat he was and still is:

This is the most frequent way I see him, back turned to me, semi lifeless on the floor.  Lately he has taken to resting his head on any elevated surface, but otherwise this sums it up.  Otherwise, the other pictures of him from the same night are these:

Hahaha, it was a Christmas miracle indeed.  Awww, this makes me miss living with Ariel, that's one thing that's definitely not still the same.  I liked when the detective smelled like Chanel after their cuddles.

Now I'm all nostalgic and missing having roommates to give Christmas presents too.  And I don't even have peppermint marshmallows to drown my sorrows in, I left them at work!

But at least I have the detective.

I completely understand

In the long list of reasons why today SUCKED BALLS was included the fact that my battery on my phone was not cooperating with me.  I could tell it was up to no good right away, I had it plugged in all night and didn't unplug it until right before I left the house, but it had already lost a sliver of charge by the time I reached my first destination.  I didn't use my phone at all today, only to check the time, but still I lost it by the beginning of my break.  So besides the other terrible things that happened, I didn't even have my phone to distract me and lift my spirits.

My intention, per my facebook status, was to go to sleep as soon as I got home and forget this terrible day ever happened.  But I decided I should do laundry so I could wear clean clothes to work.  I think remembering dumping iced coffee all over myself this morning was what made me feel a load of laundry was in order.

Anyways, the point that has to do with Elvis is, I'm glad I ended up having to do my laundry because instead of going to sleep I decided to check the internets and have a cup of tea (hot toddy) while I wait. Had I not I wouldn't have seen this email from Kim:

So every time I listen to Elvis now I have to listen to Mariah Carey right after. Because she beat him.

And had I not read that email I would have never watched that clip of Elvis performing Teddy Bear, which will always be my favorite Elvis song after Blue Christmas.  Teddy Bear makes me think of my father taking me to school in the 2nd grade.  As I've probably mentioned before there are only a few cds I remember my father playing in the car.  Elvis, the soundtrack to Pretty Woman, and Whitney Houston's I'm Your Baby Tonight album.  I think that pretty clearly explains my musical tastes.

I had never watched that clip of him singing it before though.  He was pretty fantastic.  Oh and Kim, the two girls in the audience clapping with each other are obviously you and Ariel.

And I get your point, I feel compelled to watch Mariah too.  It's just so interesting to compare the two and the things about each that made them each so unique and incredible.




The best part is that listening to these songs and watching these videos has completely made me forget what a terrible day I had.  And isn't that what you think they both would want to hear?

Gauzy

I sent Ariel an email the other day asking her when she was going to do another guest blog post and she replied that she may have outdone herself with the jack in the box clown head and wasn't sure when she'd be able to top that.

As consolation she said she'd been working on some new music and directed me to gauzy.  Ugh, how is she so good at everything she does?

Someday I hope to be as cool as Ariel.

I love Florida

source

Thank you Ariel for sending me that article.

rabbit rabbit rabbit

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Woooowwwwwwww.  Can you believe I have lived down here for a year?!  I certainly cant.

These next two months will be interesting as they are the ones I spent in Sarasota last year.  I have a very different September and October planned for this year, although I've learned that anything can happen.

I got a much needed phone call from Eliza this morning that sweetly paralleled my life.  She was bemoaning having just moved in to a new apt and not having anything besides a set of Tervis tumblers. She didn't even realize that I was lost in memories of a year ago when I was in the same boat.  I can't remember how many nights I slept on the leaky air mattress before I finally broke down and bought a bed.

I told Eliza, it takes time but believe it or not you will eventually feel like you've settled in.  A year is both a very long time and a very short time.

Thankfully I still have Barbie to keep me grounded and remind me whats what.  Apparently this month it's all about formal evening Lady Gaga:

I love it, especially her disinterested expression.

The good news is that Ariel and JD are finally coming down to visit this month, the bad news is that it took a year for that to happen.  And don't even get me started on the lack of Meghan in my life.

There's still time though, I signed a 6 month lease so I'm here for at least that much longer.  Hopefully in that time I can get my ducks in a row so I can move out in February to some place a little more comfortable.

Today though, oh today, it's all about the beach.  Too bad you can't join me.

Traveller's log: Ariel in CT

Now that Ariel is a freelance writer I wanted to take advantage of her talents for my own blog.  When she mentioned a trip out of town for the 4th I told her I would love to see her documentation of it.

I honestly couldn't be more happy I did either.  I actually watched the video before I read the post and I laughed so hard I cried.  I remembered after it was over that they had mentioned it at dinner but somehow it was nothing like I could have ever imagined.  I mean, wow, just wow.

I'm excited to present this to you:





The Amazing Adventures of a Traveling Smusher
Wack-in-the-Box: an Independence Daze

This holiday, in the spirit of celebrating my country (and my day off), my girlfriend and I, who affectionately think of each other as smushed up bulldogs, decided to do something wholesome for the Fourth of July. Because the only American tradition that I have ever known involves a lot of drinking, we called her cousin and his boyfriend, who are equally as cute and boring as us, and who we can rely on for a good-old adult time. So we rented a zipcar to spend the day touring the metropolitan area.


The most impressive (and confusing) stop on our odyssey was the strange roadside attraction known as “Wild Bill’s Nostalgia Center” in Middletown, Connecticut. For the life of me, the only word I can really think of to describe it is “creepy.” I spent a good deal of time simply trying to wrap my head around what exactly it even was. Here’s what I concluded: it appears to be a “collection of memorabilia,” (and I use the phrase loosely; “hoard of junk” also comes to mind) anything and everything you never wanted from the last fifty years or so, all on sale for a pretty penny. The building is completely covered in vivid murals- some generic psychedelic 60’s tie-dye, some amusement park haunted house characters, and a lot of half naked babes. Upon entering, it’s hard to know what to look at first: the wall of joke magnets, the racks of old fatigues, the sports star bobble-heads, the plethora of porn, or possibly this baffling “still-life” arranged on a stage in the back:


The lot outside has also amassed a similar array of treasures, including their claim to fame, a 33-foot tall jack-in-the-box, the world’s largest, with a clown head weighing a massive 600 pounds. It’s less like the surprise, pop-goes-the-weasel, from your childhood, and more of a terrifyingly slow, optical illusion out of a bad acid trip: 

Although my tone may seem rather cynical, I actually recommend stopping in if you are passing through, if for nothing more than the sheer bewilderment that will overcome you.

I give it 3 out of 5 Travel Smushers

another nyc day

I was left to my own devices for the day yesterday as Meghan and Sam both had to return to work.  I decided to take myself out to lunch at barnyard where I got a really amazing brussel sprout salad among other things.  I holed myself away for the better part of the day since the heat is really intense in the city right now.

But come the afternoon I did venture out to meet up with Kelly.  We decided to meet at 59th and 5th and then walk through the park.  When I got there I texted her saying I was underneath the spinning airplane.  She was confused at first but then quickly understood.

Kelly and I retreated to the shade of the park and found a nice bench to sit and catch up.  Make new friend but keep the old and all that.  It was really really nice.

As it got closer to 5 Kelly walked me up the park to the Met where she had to leave to go do homework but I was adopted by Esha.  Another person I was glad to get to see.

And a great person to walk me through Schiaparelli and Prada exhibit in Meghan's absence.  My only regret is that I didn't know that one of the dresses was made from monkey fur.

After uptown Meghan and I left Esha and headed down to meet up with Kim, Ariel, and JD for dinner.  We ended up sitting at thai son for several hours catching up.

All in all it was a whirlwind day in new york that made me miss living here a lot.  I was sad this morning to say goodbye to Meghan at the 51st St. stop.

I will be back soon though.

I like Mike

Jon and Joe finally made it past Deb's deluge and arrived in South Florida.  I took them on a tour of Ft. Lauderdale before finding our way to breakfast.  We encountered Michael in the parking lot.  I assume that's Michael anyways.  He certainly seemed to take ownership of that box.

At breakfast we were visited by three ghosts:

All three bill holders were delivered by our waiter who most decidedly did not look like an Ariel.  I guess he just wanted to remind me of her.

After breakfast the boys needed to sleep so we went back to my apt for naps.  I actually ran errands while they snoozed the morning away but it was just as well since Deb still hadn't released her grip on South Florida.

By afternoon they were ready to go again so we headed to Sidelines to play pool.  I'll just put this here and let you all decipher how it went:

Since Jonathan lost he took us to get ice cream afterwards which made it all better, I assume.

On the way home Joe asked if we could stop at the beach since he still hadn't been.  I had to oblige so I pulled over on A1A and we managed to make it to the water and back before Deb realized that we were trying to have fun on her watch.

We didn't even make it back to the car before Deb pounded us with her ice rain.  No bueno.

Last night was spent in doors playing video games and watching movies.  Though we've already had a freak 5 minute deluge this morning it looks like we might get a nice day for the beach after all.  Showers are being taken now, we will be heading out shortly.  I'm excited to finally see the sun again.

I found some old pictures of us

We have some vintage magazines at work and while I was perusing one today I came across this picture of me with Kim and Ariel at a spring festival in Sweden from some point in the last century.

Or maybe they wer just using black and white film and this is a picture from any point in the past 8 years. Who can tell.

There was even a picture of Nathanael from the same festival!  

It really brings back memories doesn't it guys?

an average date with me

source

So Kim and Ariel want to come visit in January which I am very excited about but I was thinking last night as I was driving home that neither of them has really ridden in a car with me.  Ariel rode to ikea in my grandfather's minivan with me when I first moved in with them but otherwise they haven't had the experience.

I feel like Kim being from ny will be able to handle my driving as she is accustomed to cab drivers but it seems to unnerve people when they are in my car with the top down and they can see swift death approaching them with nothing in between them and the other vehicles but a door.

Everyone has their different coping mechanisms for riding with me.  Scott used to just slump down in the passenger seat with a scowl on his face like he was preparing for death, Joel does the grabbing on to the door handle while bracing his feet against the floor as if pressing an imaginary brake peddle.  Jonathan tends to just screech at me and hit me like an old hispanic lady.

But the point is, like in grand theft auto, even if my car is covered in blood by the end of the journey you had a good time and I got you where you needed to go.  In fact, after all of Joel's bitching the other day he actually commented that I got him to a bathroom quicker than he would have been able to.  So maybe I increased his likelihood of peeing his pants, but he didn't, I got him there, everything was fine.

It's why I can't wait for Meghan to come visit, she is my perfect passenger.  Meghan and I can have an in depth philosophical conversation as calm as clams while I'm zipping in and out of lanes, the speedometer creeping ever closer to the killing speed.  And she does it all with the grace and dignity of a passenger in a video game.

So hurry up and get down here Meghan!  I'm actually off to clean my car in a minute, just in case you show up at my door unexpectedly.

I can't stop watching

I haven't even gotten over the last video and they are already coming out with another one?!  I appreciate that kind of a production schedule, it's how all the greats do it.  Just keep cranking out the masterpieces and we will keep coming back for more.

I really like this video, I can't get over how AMAZING all three of them look when upside down.  I know what I look like when I'm upside down and it's nothing like that.

It's more like this:



That's why I leave the music video making to the professionals.

More videos please, thank you!

Kim and Ariel

There are some pretty amazing things in my Grandparents house, remnants of my Grandmother's decorating throughout the decades.  Of all things I think my favorite are these hand towels in the guest bathroom.

Every time I look at them I think how they are obviously of Kim and Ariel.  That one above is Kim with her messy up-do held together with a perfectly matching head scarf.  And on the other side of the towel rack is Ariel:

Right down to the skin so ghostly pale it barely shows up at all.  And I think we can all agree that if Kim and Ariel were ever to play tennis they would most definitely do it in heels.

Can you guys please please go as my grandparent's guest bathroom hand towels for Halloween?!?!

Happy Birthday Meghan and Ariel

Dear Meghan and Ariel,

Happy Birthday.

I am watching...waiting...plotting...

yours truly,
the detective

some stuff I found in the junk drawer

"Releeeeeaaaaasssseeeee meeeeeeeeeeeee, releeeeeeaaaaaaasseeee my body"

I will never be able to get away from this song.  In case you don't remember, here is a post explaining the significance of this song.  I had no idea that I kept the actual cd, and I don't know why, but there it was in the miscellaneous junk drawer.

I'm so glad that I decided to go through this drawer that time forgot at my Dad's place, I found so many amazing things.  Many of you have already received personal messages regarding certain things but I decided to put my favorite items up here for all to enjoy.

And oh Agnes was only the beginning, truly, it was the most recent item in the drawer.  A lot of it was paperwork that was important at one point in my life but is no longer relevant, like documents regarding when my license was suspended.  Seeing all that stuff made me instinctively want to just throw away all of the contents of the drawer and be done with it.  As I picked up the first stack of papers I noticed a thick cardboard envelope with my name on it.  I decided to see what was inside, which began my journey down memory lane.

It was my college degree which, up until yesterday, I had no idea if I actually had or not.  I mean, sure, they called my name at graduation but at my college that didn't necessarily mean much.  One semester I had my class schedule picked out and submitted on the first day available and was given my schedule shortly after.  You can imagine my surprise on the first day of classes when none of my teachers had me on their roster for their class.  I went to some admin office and asked why and they said that even though I had a printed out schedule from them, I wasn't actually registered for any classes.

That was a pretty terrible semester.  I got a few of the classes that I had wanted but most had filled up weeks prior and I got left with the bottom of the barrel classes.  I will never forget walking in to the history of revolutionary Latin American literature on the first day and seeing nathanael sitting front and center of the class.  He might as well have had a bright red shiny apple on his desk for how enthusiastic he looked.  Apparently my bottom of the barrel class was one of Nathanael's first choices because he thought it sounded interesting.

Well imagine my delight when I found, in the junk drawer, my binder from that class.  This was tucked in to the clear plastic cover:

The class actually could have been interesting (especially if it was taught by that guy) but the teacher was really...special.  It's hard to describe in words, you kind of have to see our impression of her.

I actually found tons of notes from college which raises the question of what is wrong with me that I can't sit in class and learn, I have to be 15 years old and pass notes all day long?  Each note I found was amazing though and I'd so much rather have them than notes about a dumb lecture.

I guess that's why many people (ariel) find it so delightful that I could have had my degree in a junk drawer for the past 4 years and not even know.  Or that I won the most prestigious award you could win and I wasn't even at graduation to accept it.  But look I found it in the junk drawer!

Doesn't it just look like the kind of presentation you'd expect from the most prestigious award the school can give?

"Ooooh that must be heavy!" you're surely thinking.  No worries, it's just plastic.

In fact, as delighted as I was to find the golden key, I was no where near as happy as when I found this award:

Eliza and I both remember these being from a party at her house but we can't remember who it was for. I remember we put together prize packs, and that Andrew got the "clean teeth" award.  I feel like I picked out the awards with Jojo and that we both saw this one at the same time and knew it could only be the perfect award for me.  I'm glad that I stowed it in what I now realize wasn't so much a "junk drawer" as a "treasured keepsakes" drawer.

And when I say treasured keepsakes I mean exactly that.  I found my sisters tape collection:

What more could you really ask for in a tape collection?  My grandfathers car actually has a tape deck and I want to try them out but I'm scared I might ruin them.  I guess it's not like they are really collectors items or anything but I just think it's too good to mess up.

There were a few other things in the junk drawer of note that I have not yet decided what to do with.  I found a video I did in college for a project that I really want to get on the computer but that's going to be a separate project.  I also found the script I wrote for an episode of the Simpsons for a writing class in college.  It's ok, I haven't decided if I want to post it or maybe just excerpts or something.  I also found the play I wrote junior year (shudder) as well as the play I never finished from senior year.

So I'm glad I didn't just toss the junk drawer.  I didn't realize it contained some of my favorite things.  A lot of it was stuff I knew I had somewhere but had forgotten where I put it while other things completely surprised me and brought back a ton of memories.

For example, my freshman year i.d.:

I remember that I was angry but I don't remember why.  I know they didn't tell me they were taking my picture so I was just sitting there glaring straight ahead of me wondering why I was called down to this weird office.  Subsequently this picture became the stuff of legends because of the mysterious woman's face coming out of my left boob.  It was just the folds in my shirt but somehow it made this really distinct face that creeped everyone out.

Now that i've catalogued the items in the junk drawer I need to figure out what I want to do with them. I guess it's time to start a new junk container.  The junk closet perhaps?  I'm going to go scope out locations.

tyler

source

The resemblance is uncanny!

In case you missed the saga of Tyler you can read it in this post but basically he is apparently wanted by the police and they are uncertain of exactly what he looks like.

I mean, we are both white, we both have two eyes, two ears, a mouth, and a nose, but I feel like that's pretty much where the similarities end.

After reading his stats (here) I feel like I could never be as cool as Tyler.  The cops should have realized that right off the bat.  I bet Tyler wouldn't have handed over his i.d. so willingly, he would have shanked them, shanked them good!

When I told Dan that Ariel and Kim had found Tyler the first thing he asked was, "on facebook?".  It hadn't even occurred to me to facebook him but that is my next order of business.

If nothing else I feel like I should warn him that the police are hot on his heels.  And by hot on his heels I mean they were driving around one neighborhood for an entire afternoon stopping people who look nothing like him.

I cried like 8 times over this

Thank you Ariel for sending this to me.

If I were her I would have been a little more excited about meeting Howie Mandel, but I guess I can excuse her for being overwhelmed with the whole scenario.

I wonder what they would have done if she had said no.  Or if she had gotten upset about the girl in the beginning and stormed out.  I guess they just wouldn't have aired it, but I wonder if they have footage of other less fortunate couples that were to be flash mobbed.

I guess they probably try to make sure ahead of time to avoid any awkward scenarios.  Kind of like how I made sure that Meghan would say yes to Sam back in June.  That's right Meghan, you just thought it was another brunch on St. Marks but I was actually doing some investigating while you ate your salad.

I just wish I had known about this show, I would have suggested it to Sam.

dessert

omg it was so good!  When I ordered it the bartender made a face like she was jealous and wanted one herself.  Now I know why.

It was not unlike a guinness, but with way more flavor.  I guess a guinness tastes kind of smooth and creamy to me, so much so that ariel can down one in literally a gulp.  At least I think she still can do that, I haven't seen her do it in years, but oh is it a spectacle.  We used to talk about running some kind of bar scam with her and all the dumb frat guys on the upper east side.  Why did we never do that?

Besides this chocolate stout being amazingly delicious, while I was enjoying it "my guy" came on the radio.  I told the bartender that I was just talking about sister act so now I felt like I had to go home and watch it and she very earnestly said, "listen, there are worse things to have to go do".

I couldn't agree more.

just like old times

Last night I went to see the incredible and amazing Tayisha Busay perform in Brooklyn at Glasslands.  Unfortunately my phone was dying so the only pictures I managed to take were while they were setting up, for some reason ariel is the only one not shrouding herself in a glitter cape.

The show was really awesome, especially because I got to hear a bunch of their new songs that I haven't heard before.  It's really silly that they aren't wildly famous yet.

I think the thing I like the most about them and their music is that it's obvious how much work and thought they put in to their group.  Like any great musicians their songs are catchy and fun right off the bat, but then when you actually start paying attention to the lyrics you realize they are just as brilliant as the melody.

I just love how tongue in cheek the Tayisha songs are.  So many layers and double entendres that half the time it wouldn't be until the song was over that I even really got the joke.

I'm super excited now for their cd to come out.  I have had the five tracks from their demo on my ipod since day 1 and know them all by heart now.  I am literally looking forward to their new stuff the way I look forward to new Britney or Mariah.

Of course what makes it even better is that I'm lucky enough to be friends with them too.  There's nothing like yelling "take off your shirt" at somebody on stage and having them immediately smile and remove their shirt.

Friendship.

Lauderdale dreams

I was only in Ft. Lauderdale for about 24 hours, but it was enough time for me to fall in love with it.  It's amazing that it's so close to Sarasota, but so completely different.  I mean the palm trees in lauderdale have coconuts on them!  Coconuts!!  We certainly don't grow coconuts on every palm tree in Sarasota.

There was also a much more fun scene for younger people.  I stopped in a local liquor store where this guy layed down the law:

Can't argue with him!

Besides the presence of liquor stores and bars, there was also an abundance of people walking down the sidewalk which was such a sight for sore eyes.  Whenever I walk anywhere in Sarasota it's like people assume my car must have broken down or something (actually my check engine light came on yesterday.  shoot me).  But lauderdale was so different, I think mostly because we were in a touristy area where most of the people were carless.  It reminded me of NY, and actually I met a bunch of guys from NY that were staying at the same hotel as us.

I'm sad that I couldn't stay longer, but I am excited to make another trip down there soon.  I mean, even the starbucks in lauderdale sells saucier things than any other starbucks I've ever been to:

Take that ariel and your seashell bra, starbucks is kicking it up a notch.

But I'm home now, back in the arms of that handsome little kitty, who has yelled at me nonstop since I got back.  Apparently I didn't have his permission to leave.  But the hotel we stayed at was pet friendly, and even had a little black cat that lived there, so I think I'll just take him with me the next time I go down.

Soon please!