oh Florida

I know it's hard to see but that's the best I could do without smashing in to the back of them and possibly killing the fool in the back.

If you look closely you can see his feet, to the left of the bookcase or whatever that is.  I guess they had the back seats folded down and he was laying next to whatever they were transporting.

When I first saw it I thought it was one of those joke things where it looks like somebody is trapped in the trunk, sadly it was a real person.

I love it down here.

me today

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To be honest I'm scared to leave the house today, which is what led me to google searching for images of Sigourney Weaver in Copycat; my favorite agoraphobia based thriller.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, thanks to my upstairs neighbor.  He has a history of sounding like he's either moving furniture or getting shaken down by the mob during the tender moments just before daybreak.  I know what it's like to live in the upstairs unit and have crazy people downstairs complain about noises you don't think you're making, so I usually try to avoid saying anything about it to him.  This morning I decided to go to starbucks to avoid the issue, thinking he would be gone by the time I got back.

On my way to starbucks I got cut off by a guy who didn't realize I was going slow because the car in front of me was turning right.  No sooner did he cut me off then he had to swerve back in to the middle lane, then I watched as he pulled in to starbucks.

I couldn't resist the urge and ended up commenting on his driving, and oh did we get in to it.  The people of starbucks were quietly chuckling at our exchange.  I just don't understand people who shit where they sleep.  I drive like an asshole too sometimes but not when I'm about to pull in to a starbucks where I could potentially get confronted by somebody that I just cut off moments before.

Of course I get back to the apt just as my upstairs neighbor is leaving his place.  I was still raging from starbucks and couldn't hold back with him.  At one point Heather, having heard my voice, opened her door with a smile on her face that quickly changed to a look of terror when she saw my hulk rage.  I think I glared at her once before she quietly closed the door and retreated to safety.

After having my coffee, working out, and taking a shower I was starting to feel more like myself, which meant I was starting to have remorse for my morning rampage.  No sooner had I told Heather that I felt bad for yelling at the upstairs neighbor when who should pull in but the man himself.  I intended to try and smooth things over, the conversation went something like this:

Me:  Hey I'm sorry for raging at you this morning.

Him:  No man, I would too, it sucks.  I don't know what it could be that makes so much noise, it must be either my ironing board or maybe the drawers of my armoir when I pull them out.

Me:  Is your armoir just sitting on the floor?

Him:  Yeah, as opposed to what?

Me:  Well I mean is it on a rug or is it sitting directly on the tile?

Him:  It's directly on the tile, there's nothing I can do about that.

(ummmmm, you could put it on a rug)

Him:  How are you still here?  Do you ever work?

(...yes...at night...which is why it sucks to get woken up at 7 every morning...)

Me:  Yes, actually I'm on my way now.

At which point I went in to my apt before the rage bubbled to the surface again.  Which brings me to the point of all this, I am scared to go to work tonight.  I feel like something is going to happen on my drive to work, or I am going to get in to it with a customer some how.  Something's going down today and I'm scared.

Wish me luck.

really?

He didn't have anything in the back, but he did have all of his windows down and his sunroof open.  I guess he wanted the back open too for air flow?

Who does this?  He looked like such a tool driving down the road.  I hope he went under a low overpass and smashed off his back door.

Oh Florida.

an average date with me

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So Kim and Ariel want to come visit in January which I am very excited about but I was thinking last night as I was driving home that neither of them has really ridden in a car with me.  Ariel rode to ikea in my grandfather's minivan with me when I first moved in with them but otherwise they haven't had the experience.

I feel like Kim being from ny will be able to handle my driving as she is accustomed to cab drivers but it seems to unnerve people when they are in my car with the top down and they can see swift death approaching them with nothing in between them and the other vehicles but a door.

Everyone has their different coping mechanisms for riding with me.  Scott used to just slump down in the passenger seat with a scowl on his face like he was preparing for death, Joel does the grabbing on to the door handle while bracing his feet against the floor as if pressing an imaginary brake peddle.  Jonathan tends to just screech at me and hit me like an old hispanic lady.

But the point is, like in grand theft auto, even if my car is covered in blood by the end of the journey you had a good time and I got you where you needed to go.  In fact, after all of Joel's bitching the other day he actually commented that I got him to a bathroom quicker than he would have been able to.  So maybe I increased his likelihood of peeing his pants, but he didn't, I got him there, everything was fine.

It's why I can't wait for Meghan to come visit, she is my perfect passenger.  Meghan and I can have an in depth philosophical conversation as calm as clams while I'm zipping in and out of lanes, the speedometer creeping ever closer to the killing speed.  And she does it all with the grace and dignity of a passenger in a video game.

So hurry up and get down here Meghan!  I'm actually off to clean my car in a minute, just in case you show up at my door unexpectedly.

happy birthday the goon!

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Today is my sister's birthday!!  Yay!!!  Except I of course spaced out and made a bunch of dumb appts for my car so I am going to have to run around madly this morning in hopes of getting everything done before lunch.

But while I'm cruising around I will definitely be listening to this in honor of my big sister.  Having a big sister that's more than a decade older than me means that some of my earliest memories of her are of her driving me around in her white renault (or was it a peugeot?) and listening to that cd.  I actually have that very cd in my car right now, on loan from my sister's collection, which makes it even better.  Of course it would be better if my sister were in the car with me, and if we could go to Starvin' Marvin' afterwards for candy and so people can ask her if I'm her son.

But sadly those days are behind us.  Instead I will hopefully be meeting the family for lunch on St. Armands, hopefully there will be pina coladas.

bad driver

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I think it's time I face the facts and admit that I am a bad driver.  It's really hard for me to say that, but in light of recent events I feel I have to.  I know how all those ladies of hollywood feel now, I really do.

I think, or hope, that it's a combination of having a new car and not having really driven in the past 8 years.  Or at least not having had a car of my own.  I think i'm doing pretty good so far but now every single person who has ridden with me in my car has commented on my driving.  Last night my brother said something about my "crazy" driving and I asked him what he meant and after going around and around finally said, "I didn't say you were a bad driver, just that you make some crazy choices".  Yeah that makes me feel better.  I also have already been pulled over for driving without my lights on, a move straight out of the paris hilton playbook.  It was so embarrassing, I have just never driven a car where you had to turn the lights on and off manually.  They also made fun of me at the bank because I didn't know how to use the drive-through atm but that's another story for another time.

The point is that now i'm incredibly self conscious and nervous about even driving my car alone, much less with other people.  Maybe I should sign up for drivers ed again, a little brush up course?  People do that right?  Or maybe andrew should stop talking all his big talk and just come down here and take a stunt driving class with me.

Either way, for now I need something from the store, and I plan to walk there.