an emotional day

The detective is very upset because my crazy day = lots of snuggling and kisses for him.

At work today I saw a woman walking through my section and she seemed happy and normal until she saw me and stopped dead in her tracks.  She said I looked just like her son, but she wasn't really even talking to me, she went to my coworker and was started going through her purse.  She pulled out a picture and showed it to him and he said it kind of look like me.

I kept myself busy while they talked, feeling a little awkward about the situation.  As I moved around one of the fixtures she came closer to me, very cautiously, and said, "he would have been 39".  I told her I was sorry and when I looked at her face it was just so many emotions.  She asked if she could just look at me and I kind of awkwardly laughed and said yes, and then she immediately asked if she could hug me.  I opened my arms and she just wrapped her arms around me so tight and just started sobbing and sobbing.  After a few moments she let me go and said thank you and that she was sorry, and then she hurried away from me.  I excused myself to the bathroom to sob uncontrollably for about 10 minutes before I decided I just needed to go home.

After stopping at Heather's place for a hug, I went for a run, and then spent the evening making phone calls to some friends and family.  It's hard to ignore the universe when it sends you signs like that, to appreciate the people in your life while you still can.  I'll never forget how tight that woman squeezed me.

I'm going to try to squeeze the detective that tightly at least once a day.

comforting

He knows that I've been feeling sad so he's been spending a lot of time with me.

He's also been screaming in my face a lot, which is a very nice thing for him to do.

I may not have any wheels but at least I have my best friend.

this makes me cry

The best part of putting my itunes on random of my whole library is that I am reminded of things like this.

For some reason I have the album from this whole performance, which features a lot of hilarious sketches.  This one however just always makes me happy and sad at the same time.

"I call it a film, NOT a movie"

feeling sad

Last night I woke up at like 3:00am and decided to check facebook for whatever reason.  I discovered that a person who I never even knew in real life but was friends with had apparently passed away.  Not knowing very much about him I decided to look on his profile to see if maybe he had had a health condition or something.

After about a half an hour of reading posts from his friends saying how they couldn't believe that he was gone I got a a link to an article about what happened.  Apparently he was hit by a truck while crossing 45th St. in manhattan late one night.

It took me a long time to go back to sleep last night and even when I did it was restless sleep and I woke still thinking about this poor guy and his family and how easily something like that could happen to me or anybody else.  In the article they kept referring to him as a man but he was only 23.

I don't really have anything else to say and I feel weird even having done this post but I can't stop thinking about him and his family.

<3

wow

Thank you Jonathan for sending this to me.

: (

it's still true

When I was little there are two cds that I remember my Dad having in his car.  One was the soundtrack to Pretty Woman, and the other was I'm Your Baby Tonight.

I think the problem with Whitney, especially having Whitney be one of your first music memories, is that it sets a pretty high standard.  I feel like I compare every new artist I hear against her and am unimpressed.

Few even come close.




But for those who can compete it's like she offered the greatest challenge.  Can you keep up?

Ugh, how sad.  She will be missed.

ugh, i'm devastated

She was too good : (

s.a.d.

source

I looked up images for seasonal affective disorder on google and this was one of the top results.  I guess it's a light that simulates uv.  I once bought kitty a brush because the golden retriever on the packaging looked so happy that I couldn't resist.  It was a similar expression to this lady, making me feel like I should get one of these lamps.

But that is foolishness.  I live in Florida, I should not be longing for the suns gentle kiss.  And yet I am.  I don't know how many days in a row it's been since we had a sunny day.  Whenever it was it would have been when I spent all day in the mall at work anyways so its not like I knew what was going on.

The point is that I am actually starting to feel sad from this gloomy weather.

Blech.

I am going out to get Heather's surprise February internet gift.  I know that will cheer me up.

i shouldn't have gone

I knew in my gut it was a bad idea but when Kim asked me if I wanted to go to the Petco in Union Square and look at the kitties I couldn't resist.

: ( ( (

Somebody needs to go there immediately and save this precious angel.

so much for my vintage roadster

Well Andrew, you're off the hook, now there are two people that have done worse damage to my car than you.

So there I was, cruising down the scenic winding road, just about to turn off to be home safe and sound. The breeze was blowing, "I Want You" was playing on my ipod, life was good.

Suddenly I noticed that the traffic coming in the opposite direction was stopped and I seemed to be seeing brake lights up ahead of me.  I can't really see a lot as the car in front of me is some large obnoxious SUV, but they are certainly not slowing down or stopping, though they did seem to weave just a bit for a moment.  I didn't have long to wonder why as out from underneath their car emerged the largest snapping turtle I have ever seen in my life.  I swear it looked me right in the eye as it reared it's ugly head, daring me to hit him.

I was too afraid.  I slammed on my breaks coming to a stop just inches away from him, not unlike in some BMW commercial or something.  Of course in the BMW commercial the shiny black convertible doesn't get rear ended...twice...

The car immediately behind me slammed on their breaks and swerved to the right, hitting the back right corner of my car before jumping the curb.  The car behind them swerved to the left, missing the Jetta, but clipping the back left corner of my car.

You also might not have noticed that he managed to snag the back tire, pulling it out of alignment.  Here's a better picture:

Of course, initially we are all walking around our cars making sure everyone is ok and trying to avoid the snapping turtle who is STILL THERE SNARLING AND SNAPPING AT US.  I mean come on, I just saved your life at the cost of my car having all original parts, the least you can do is chill out.  He did eventually crawl to safety and we were all left to deal with the repercussions.  Both of the other drivers were able to drive away while I had to watch my car get loaded on to the back of a flatbed.  I did feel bad though when the girl who owned the Jetta said, "it's my birthday".

I would say the worst part was actually when the flatbed truck passed me later in traffic and I saw my car yet again, completely perfect and beautiful in the front, and totally mangled in the back.

I'm crying.

he doesn't want me to leave

If he wasn't so angry I could take him travelling with me.  Unfortunately he is EXTREMELY angry.

I kind of like the detective and my father together.  My father sings and talks incessantly to him, as he does with everyone, and the detective just stares at him blankly, as he does with everyone.

They are best friends.

: (

This morning Ms. Mariah Kitty passed away during her surgery to get fixed.  Apparently she had an enlarged heart.

I know you're up in heaven now with florida kitty, at least now I know she has company.

I am heartbroken.

: (

source

I always hoped I'd get to meet her.

dream over

When I got to the laundry place this morning it had a "back in 20" sign up in the window so I found myself chilling on 95th St.  If it hadn't been for this moment of respite I probably wouldn't have noticed the painting going on across the street. 

To explain, there is an artist who does graffiti all over nyc, mostly on the upper east side that usually looks like some variation of this:

He will tag just about anything, usually his drawing will be more elaborate if he has the time, otherwise it will just be a quick doodle like this.  It usually shows two fish jumping out of two different bowls and coming together to kiss.

Well I didn't even realize at first but this was one of those murals and these guys were painting over it!  It made me kind of irrationally upset.  I mean the mural isn't really all that great, featuring these weirdos:

and this strange man in the corner that the painters decided to leave, i guess they are saving him for the very last?

At first I was mad at the guys painting, I wanted to be like, "how can you paint over a beautiful inspirational mural"?  but then I noticed that they had left certain things intact, like the fish bowl and that guy.  I started feeling like maybe they were begrudginly painting over it, and that they too felt bad about whitewashing the dream. 

So who authorized this?  Why are we not allowed to have anything colorful or creative in our neighborhood?  Only construction.  I guess maybe they are painting over it and then will do something new on top of it, but I find that highly unlikely.  It's more likely that people will just write hateful graffiti on the fresh new white wall. 

Either way I was happy that I got to catch it being covered up so I could immortilize this artists work in my own way.

rip zorro

had to do one of the hardest things of life today and put down the cat that we've had for most of my life. She lived 20+ amazing years with us and will be missed very very much. haven't cried this hard in a long time.