dream car

Leaving Publix I came across this beauty that stopped me in my tracks.

I could get in to some trouble in that bad boy, and you know I'm serious.

a friend I made

He was just hanging out at the grocery store, saying hi to everyone who passed by.

Oh the pets I would have given him if I could have.

really? seriously?

I actually went to turn in to the spot thinking it was empty.

I don't even really understand this.  It's not like it's sitting right next to a handicap spot because a person went right from the cart to their car.  So they drove this from home and then decided to walk through the actual store?

Oh Florida.

the time Heather ate 13 cookies and then lied about it

Heather is notorious for using my spare key to let herself in to my apartment while I'm out so she can raid my cookie stash, so it was no surprise the other day when I got home from the grocery store and discovered that my cookies were missing.

Heather went with me to the grocery store but when we got home she rushed inside her apt and left me to deal with all my groceries alone.  Little did I know it was because she had pilfered my cookies without me knowing.

She denies it, even to this day, even after I found a large cookie crumb on the floor of my kitchen the next day.  How do you explain that?

Then today I get this "gift" from Heather.  I have a feeling the tell tale heart was finally booming too loud in her head and the guilt made her go out and buy me cookies to replace the ones she had eaten.  This time she admitted to eating 3 of them, I guess because she figured I would count them (which I did).

I used to think this was Heather:

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But now I realize she's more like this:

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I turned in to the parking lot when suddenly...

For my entire drive to the grocery store it was just an ordinary evening sky, it wasn't until I pulled in that the sky revealed it's hidden bounty.  I'm always amazed that the sky can work like that, be completely different in different sections.  Maybe I had just gotten used to the NYC sky which is whatever you can see between the buildings.  I have forgotten how much sky you can really see when you're somewhere big and flat with nothing obstructing your view.

Last night's sunset was arrestingly beautiful, causing the parking lot to become an obstacle course of slack jawed pedestrians gazing up at the heavens as they milled in the general directions of their cars.  My initial thought was, 'wwmd' (what would maria do) but nature's beauty was able to calm me and I managed to navigate the parking lot without causing any casualties.

It's good to know that if I can't make it to the beach to watch the sunset I can just camp out in the Publix parking lot.  They should include that in their advertising.

Gina's got some balls on her

I just feel like if I drove a car that had my name on phone number on it I would be hesitant to act like a crazy asshole while out and about.  It never ceases to amaze me though.

I had a guy one time who was driving insanely through this residential area near my dad's.  At some point, after he flicked me off among other things, I got behind him and noticed that he has a company logo on the back of his truck.  I called the number and, it being the weekend, I got an answering machine.  I left a message just saying something to the effect of, "hey I was just in traffic with one of your vehicles and the driver flipped me the bird, besides his general aggressive driving".  She ended up calling me back on Monday and gave me a lot of attitude.  I don't even know why she bothered calling me back, I don't recall her apologizing on behalf of the driver or the company.

I assume a similar scenario would go down if I called Gina to ask why she felt her groceries were more important than the four other people who could have parked in the spots she was blocking with her obnoxious work vehicle.  I mean, it's one thing to be so completely self absorbed that you think this kind of behavior is ok, but why would you do it with a vehicle that advertises your business?  Why would I ever want to work with somebody so oblivious and self important?

It's not like this was out of the way and she was doing the best she could with a cumbersome vehicle.  She was parked in the very center aisle closest to the doors, and as you can see only a few spots away from the grocery store.

Maybe we should all call Gina and just ask her, "Hey Gigi, what up with your nutty parking?  You think you're better than everybody else?"

Please please call her and ask her that.

(941)  922-2066
Gina Richardson's
Pool Management & Bad Parking

yep

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Someday I'll have the real life version of this to hang on my wall.  I'm almost certain of it.

I know I have been in Sarasota too long when people at the local businesses recognize me and comment on my business.  Like the guy at the deli at publix, wtf?!  Even if I have been at the grocery store a lot recently I don't ever get things from the deli section, so when he said, "haven't seen you around here lately" I was confused.  I guess he just sees me walking around the grocery store?  I'm guessing this is the same man that once asked my father how long he and I had been together.

I need a bigger city as soon as possible.

don't even THINK about touching his snapea crisps

It's a magnet randomly stuck to one of the shelves at Publix.  Why?  This was the entrance to the aisle that had the pet supplies but 1) there are clearly no other magnets or even other pet supplies anywhere directly around it, and 2) there weren't even any other magnets like this further down the aisle anywhere else.  In fact, this magnet didn't have a price tag on it or anything which leads me to believe that it isn't on sale at all.

Perhaps it's some kind of totem, placed there to guard over the pet food aisle and protect all shoppers who pass by his gaze.  Though slightly unnerving, there's a certain peace that washes over you if you stare in to his eyes long enough...

btw wtf with the snapea crisps and apple juice?  Who planned this shelf?  Barf.

wild!

This pimpstang was parked at publix when I went the other day.  I have mixed feelings about it.  When I first saw it from this distance I couldn't really figure it out and thought it was kind of gross looking.  I thought it was a dark leopard print racing stripe.

Upon closer examination I realized it was way cooler than that:

I'm kind of really in to it.  Especially because the personalized license plate was something to the effect of "Q-T-Pie"

I still feel like I wouldn't necessarily do the brown on silver combo but I like the direction they were going in.  What color flying zombie skull racing stripe would you do on a black car?