Hungover

ugggggg how do i let myself get in these situations? I feel like I'm constantly torn between feeling like I'm too old for crazy nights of drinking, and feeling like i should still party hearty while i'm young because in 5 more years i really will be too old.

but the real answer is that i shouldn't think that i can drink at all. I single handedly ruined what should have been an amazing night out in nyc by getting completely hammered before we ever even left the apt. I managed to ride the subway for like three stops before I knew that if I didn't get off I would be throwing up all over Dan, so I ran. I literally ran while the doors were open and left Dan on the subway. I still haven't heard from him, I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me, but I had to! I ended up coming home and throwing up for like an hour and then falling asleep completely naked on the floor of my bedroom.

And all of this was from a couple drinks that I had while we were hanging out at my apt. We hadn't even made it to any actual bars yet, and it was only like 11 at night. Why do I never learn my lesson?

Not unlike the time in college when I similarly got hammered with Meredith before going out and ended up leaving her on the street corner while I ran away. I don't think I threw up that night but I did shove all of my books out the window of my 4th floor apt. My windows wouldn't stay open on their own so you had to put something there to prop them up so I kept a row of good hardcover books on the window sill for just the thing. Well in my drunken stupor I felt like I needed some air so I opened the window and literally just pushed all of my books out. The next morning when I went out I found a couple of the books stacked neatly on our stoop.

The point is that I do not need to be drinking like that ever again. I don't know why I ever thought that I could handle it because clearly I can't. As Liz once said, "everytime you drink it's like the 5 year old flower girl at a wedding who's just had her first sip of champaign"