i'm struggling

Sarah and I were talking about Mariah one day at work and Sarah said something like, 'I used to really like Mariah, like her Butterfly album, but I never really got in to anything else she did'.

I made a promise to Sarah on that day that I would make her a Mariah mix cd that would open her eyes to what she's been missing.  This was actually the main impetus behind me getting my music sorted out on my computer.

Well now I have all the songs I want (I think) and I'm just trying to decide what order to put them in.  It's really hard.  I tried to mix it up between songs she would know like Dreamlover, Vision of Love, Fantasy, and my favorites like Up Out My Face, Fly Like A Bird, or Crybaby.  I also wanted to include a couple that showcase her vocals, namely My All, and Bliss.  I'm feeling guilty for completely leaving off classics like You'll Always Be My Baby but as Jon put it when I made him skype with me last night and pick out songs, "You should leave her wanting more".

The song order is proving to be as stressful as I anticipated it would be.  It has to have a good flow to it and keep her interested so she won't skip past songs like All In Your Mind before she even gets to the AMAZING ending.  Ugh, this is so hard.  I'm so nervous to give it to her.

Ok, I'm going to finish it up and then I have to go out and get blank cds.

Oh yeah, and I didn't even include Obsessed on the cd, is that wrong of me?  Heather came in last night to say hi to Jon on skype and saw how much Mariah I had on my computer and was like, "look right there, Obsessed, you are obsessed".  I hadn't even thought about including Obsessed until she pointed it out.  I don't know if Sarah would understand the amazingness of Obsessed without me explaining it though.   I feel like I need to make a companion cd with commentary on each song, why I chose it, why it was significant, etc.  UGH this is getting out of hand.

my love goes on and on and on and on and ooooooooooooooooon

I took a bike ride the other day to my favorite nursery in hopes of finding some new things to plant in the front garden at my grandfathers house.

It wasn't until I was on the road the nursery is on and I saw the sign for Bliss Road that I remembered I keep trying to take a picture of it.  The problem with bliss road is that it's hard to catch it from the car, so I thought being on my bike it would be perfect.  It was not perfect however.

I was doing fine all the way until bliss road at which point the sidewalk promptly ended, as did the bike lane.  I basically had to time my sprints between cars and just go as hard as I could from side street to side street until I got to the nursery.  As a result I blew past bliss road in a similar fashion as when I'm in the car, unable to get my phone out and take a picture.

And just as usual I completely forgot about bliss road while I was at the nursery and actually would have completely passed it again without realizing or taking a picture had it not been for a very epic run in I had with a curb.  Thanks to the people of Sarasota being unable to share the road with bicyclists I was forced to hit the curb going up on to the sidewalk head on, which was apparently jarring enough to knock the chain off.  I slowed to a stop, thinking 'what am I supposed to do now' when I looked up and saw that I had come to a stop right at bliss road.  It was meant to be.

Plus I got to feel like a real live adult by fixing my bike on the fly, and riding the rest of the way home.  Of course I had Mariah running through my head to help me along my journey.

my musical morning

I had a really funny morning with music. The first part of my morning was spent putting away my clothes from my suitcase and clearing the floor so I could do yoga. When I finally got everything away I went to the kitchen to make some tea before I settled down for my morning yoga.

When I returned to my room I walked in on a nice clean room with a handsome guy just snoozin' on the bed, and this was playing on my itunes:

It really was bliss.

So when I go to do yoga I'm rockin' along and i get to the point where i'm ready to do my first down dog. I usually hold the first down dog for as long as I can, and this morning my timing synched up so that a new song was starting and I decided to just try to hold down dog for the entire song. Here's the song that I had to hold down dog for:

Now at first I was like, "ok i can get down with this, nice inspirational, whitney come back, i get it" and I really got in to it. I know that whitney is talking about God but I like to think about it like "I look to you" meaning that I look to myself. That I think so often for me I am looking for other people to validate me or make me feel like i'm on the right track, but when it's just me by myself in my room trying to hold down dog for a whitney ballad, there isn't anybody that's going to help me but me. I literally have nobody to look to for help but myself, and when I really have to I will pull it together and help myself.

Of course by like 2 minutes in I was no longer thinking about how inspirational the song was, I was instead thinking about how it was written by R. Kelly and how he got caught on camera peeing on some underage girl. Classic.

And by 3:30 in to the song all I was thinking about was the burning in my shoulders and how I just wanted whitney to finish the damn song. In the beginning I was like, "ooooh good for whitney, she's back, she's singing a ballad, she's still got it" but by this point I was like, "omg whitney, it's over, let it go, you don't need to sing a whole other verse, we get it, just end this misery". I wasn't sure how close I was to the end but I knew she had to do one final attempt at hitting a strong note before she would sing several, "i look to you"'s while she faded in to the background.

When the song was FINALLY over I collapsed on the floor in to child's pose. There was a brief moment of silence and I wondered what the next song was going to be. It was beyond appropriate:

it was like, "you're right mariah, you were my sweet destiny, it was worth waiting through the shadows of that jank-ass whitney song, classic mariah, you are my vision of love". Also can we talk about how she's wearing a unitard?

Basically the moral of the story is that i listen to some pretty gay music.