Wow. Wow. As I drove to get coffee this morning I thought back on the events of last evening in preparation for this post. As you can see, I originally thought that being in Hialieah was going to be the most exciting part of my night. I had no idea that the real drama was waiting for me after the party was over, and at the hands of an EXTREMELY drunk Sarah.
But I'm getting ahead of myself.
We went to Hialeah last night for Sofy's birthday party. The only thing I know about Hialeah is that whenever Sofy says she from there everyone gives a knowing chuckle. That and our old manager would refer to her as Hialeah and it would enrage her. Whenever I ask anybody about it I get, "it's the cuban neighborhood". Needless to say I was excited to finally go.
Upon getting there we quickly realized that Sofy was nowhere near as plastered as she needed to be. There were already people swimming in their underwear and she was still clucking her tongue and acting all aloof and sober. Sarah took it upon herself to remedy that situation with some shots. And by some shots I mean a lot of shots. I mean seriously, that poor girl, they drank a lot very quickly.
The rest of the party was spent with the main group of us hanging out and enjoying pleasant conversation while Sarah either walked around the party with Sofy lifeless on her arm a la weekend at Bernie's, did keg stands, or became intimately familiar with vomit. How do I know that last part? Because she felt the need to tell us about it over and over throughout the night, always as if it was new information that we were actually interested in hearing, and often starting in to the story immediately after Gaby and I both said we didn't want to hear about it. But for us the party was fun. Some infant came up to me and asked me what school I went to which made me feel 10 years younger.
By about 3 in the morning Gaby and I had decided we'd had enough so Sarah did her final keg stands, I'm not kidding, and then we left. As I pulled up to Sarah's house to drop the girls off Sarah grabbed my arm, looked deep in to my eyes, and said, "can we get pizza?". How can I say no? No really, I should have said no, but I went along with it like a fool. Good for you Gaby for leaving when you had the chance as the night quickly descended in to madness.
First of all, Sarah kept forgetting what we were doing so I was literally driving around in cirlcles for the first 15 minutes. We'd be going along and she'd say, "where are you going?" and I would say, "we are going to get pizza, you were supposed to tell me where we are going" to which she would reply, "ohhh, we passed it a long time ago".
I would make a U-turn, we would drive for a while and I would ask, "ok Sarah, where is this place" and she would reply, "Where do you want to go? We can get Taco Bell, we can get Burger King...". "I thought we were getting pizza?" I would remind her. "Ooohhh pizza? We passed it a long time ago".
We finally ended up at Denny's where I thought I could get some food in her and bring her back to reality. Oh how wrong I was. When I got back from the bathroom I found Sarah, face in hands, moaning softly to herself. First it was that she lost her phone. When I asked her if she wanted to look for it she sadly said, "It's an iphone, it's gone, it's gone, just forget about it, it's gone". I finally convinced her to go look in my car but she returned a short time later empty handed, defeated. She begrudgingly stayed and let me buy her food but the entire meal was spent with her bemoaning her position in life as a grade-A fool.
At some point she overturned her purse on the table to prove that her phone wasn't in there, which is when she realized that she didn't have her keys. Oh did the theatrics start then. Driving her home she was literally just rolling around in the passenger seat, moving it in every direction possible, and babbling incoherently. She kept asking to use my phone so she could do things, which I see this morning, was send really important texts like this one: Are you wake is convrete feet.
Ahahaha what is that even supposed to mean?! There was no talking to Sarah, no consoling her, no helping her. All I could do was what she asked me to do so my evening ended in the parking lot of a florist shop where we had to wait for one of Sarah's friends who she was convinced would "fix everything". When he arrived and Sarah got out of the car she found her cell phone on the floor of the passenger seat.
After she smothered me with kisses and "I love you"s I forced Sarah to get out of my car so I could go home. I have no pity for her, she is a fool. I do appreciate that I had my first 'out all night' night in Miami, and I'm glad I was with the people I was with. And lesson learned for next time, I will be holding Sarah's things in my pockets.
No comments:
Post a Comment