bruised and battered

I have to take full responsibility for the injuries I sustained during my recent vacation, but the amount of pain I'm still in from both of them makes me want to complain to the comforting ear of the internet.

The above doesn't look as big a deal as it is, and the story behind how I got it is just a very 'me' scenario. For those of you familiar with Andrew's house, I had parked my car, tail first, in the spot that is it's own isolated parking spot with the hill of landscaping rising up behind it.  At some point in the wee hours of the morning I was in my car picking out clothes for the day.  Once I had everything I needed I went to close the door but due to a foot injury (more on that soon), and the awkward positioning I was in on the landscaped hill, I ended up slamming the trunk of my car full force on to my hip bone.  The real pain involved is with the deep bruising under my hip bone that you can't see, but the fact that I managed to do it hard enough to break the skin says a lot.

I think this was the same morning that I dropped my pink underwear in front of Andrew's mom's car as I stumbled blind from pain back towards the house to lick my wounds.  Thankfully I realized they were missing before his mom went outside and I was able to retrieve them without further embarrassment.  I think slamming my freak hip in the trunk of my car is embarrassing enough.

But as I said, I was also dealing with a foot injury that I had gotten while at Lake Lure.  Oh you'd like to see that too?  Here ya go:

Mmmm it looks as painful as it is!

The story behind it?  We were all hanging out on the upstairs porch, having a good old time, when somebody made a disparaging remark about Andrew's recorder playing or something, and Andrew decided to lock us all out.  Thankfully the Lake Lure house has at least 25 different doors leading out on to the various porches and verandas so it was no easy feat for him to get to them before us but he did have a head start.  As he headed off Dave at the door to the kitchen I saw my opportunity to go down the outdoor stairs and enter the house from the bottom floor.  I tried to move quickly but without raising alarm yet Andrew still saw me just as I cleared the master landing. I figured out he'd spotted me when I heard everyone yelling from behind me, "RUN!! RUN!! FASTER!! FASTER!!".

Well nothing makes me run faster than being told to so off I went down the stairs.  Stairs, a drunks worst enemy.  I mean, even sober I don't do well going down stairs.  I just picture myself falling head over heels and breaking out all my teeth.  Thankfully that didn't happen this time, I just injured myself through my own hubris.  I thought, 'I do yoga, I stay active, I'm in good health, I can do anything I could ever do, including jump down these last five stairs on to the slate deck below'.

But I was wrong.  So wrong.  I managed to make it inside before passing out on the couch in pain.  The days since have been spent with me hobbling from place to place, each day waking up to find my bruise has changed to a new color and shape.  And now with the addition of my injured hip I'm really just feeling quite broken down.

I need a vacation after that vacation.