Pepper. Huh? What is it good for?

Ah pepper.  Man's best friend.  Certainly Jon's favorite seasoning, that kid will cover a pizza in so much pepper you can't even see the cheese!  But it goes beyond that, pepper is bigger than just a seasoning.  It's the ultimate seasoning.  I mean, salt & pepper?  It's like peanut butter and jelly, like black and white, like the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders.

So why is this necessary McCormick?

Doesn't this do a disservice to what wikipedia calls "the worlds most traded spice"?  In fact, I'd like to quote the entire first paragraph from the wikipedia article on black pepper's section entitled "History":

     Pepper has been used as a spice in India since prehistoric times. Pepper is native to India and has been        known to Indian cooking since at least 2000 BCE.^[15] J. Innes Miller notes that while pepper was grown in southern Thailand and in Malaysia, its most important source was India, particularly theMalabar Coast, in what is now the state of Kerala.^[16] Peppercorns were a much prized trade good, often referred to as "black gold" and used as a form of commodity money. The term "peppercorn rent" still exists today.     source


I'm not entirely sure where in the world the term "peppercorn rent" still exists, but apparently it does and I feel a fool for not using it all along.  I think I'd like to run a boarding house and charge people in peppercorn rent.

Anyways, besides the fact that telling people what pepper is good on is patronizing and unnecessary in the first place, it also doesn't even begin to explain the many uses of peppercorns.  What about using it as rent, or as medicine?  And apparently wikipedia completely forgot about this memorable moment in the history of pepper:


     Black peppercorns were found stuffed in the nostrils of Ramesses II, placed there as part of themummification rituals shortly after his death in 1213 BCE.^[19] Little else is known about the use of pepper in ancient Egypt and how it reached the Nile from India.     source

If the egyptians were shoving peppercorns up peoples noses and that's all we know that they were using it for, you can bet they were doing some pretty messed up things with it.  They were certainly putting it on (or in) more interesting things than beef, chicken, pork, and salads.

'But this is a spice, they are probably just giving you suggestions based on the assumption that you are going to use it for food' is what you're thinking I'm sure.  I bet your fingers are poised over the keys, ready to send me some email about how I need to get off my high horse and leave McCormick alone.

Fine, it's still irritating because it goes against everything I learned in SAT prep.  And I mean this, I really don't think I remember anything else from the SATs except this kind of question.

Which of these things does not match the others?  Beef, chicken, pork, or salads?

Why?  Why put salads?  Why not just put vegetables, which can be used to make salads, along with many other things.  And frankly, pepper is delicious on vegetables.  I just had some pieces of tomato with a little sea salt and pepper on them, and let me tell you, it was fantastic.

But if I were to obey McCormick's suggested usage I would never think to try such a wonderful thing.  I would never know the joy of a fresh bloody mary with ground pepper on top.  I wouldn't think to add pepper to dark chocolate for a spicy sweet combination of amazingness.  And I certainly wouldn't think to shove them up the nostrils of any bodies I was trying to mummify.

So I guess what I'm saying McCormick is leave off the serving suggestions on the package of pepper.  Give us a little credit and don't bite off more than you can chew.  It's like trying to play a symphony on a comb with a piece of wax paper wrapped around it.  You're in over your head.